


CO2

by Meital



Category: John Mulaney - Fandom, US Comedians RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, BDSM, M/M, Science Fiction, robot!John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:28:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22056301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meital/pseuds/Meital
Summary: In an apocalyptic universe where androids are used to develop the human race, Nick finds himself alone with one of them, the thing doesn't give him rest...
Relationships: Krollaney, Nick Kroll/John Mulaney
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	CO2

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Xpouii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xpouii/gifts).



Nick jerked awake, blinking his eyes to clear them. An unfamiliar blue ceiling greeted him, and he sat up, looking around. He spotted a tall thin man standing eerily still and rubbed his eyes, trying to dispel the obvious hallucination, but when he opened   
his eyes, the figure was still there. Nick realized he was naked, and grabbed his pillow, putting it in his lap.  
The strange man gave a smile that didn’t reach his eyes,

“Good morning, sir. I hope that you slept well.”

Nick put his feet on the cool floor and stood shakily,   
“Where am I? What’s going on?”  
“There’s been an event on Earth,” the stiff man said. “Earth is currently uninhabitable by human life. You were evacuated via this personal space shuttle and placed into a year-long hyper sleep to preserve your mental and physical well-being until you   
reached a safer distance from your galaxy.” 

“And you are?”  
“I am X.C.X. version 12380, but you may call me John,” the man—John—said.   
Nick balked, “Wait… you’re a robot?”  
“An android, yes,” John said. “I was assigned to you help you develop both socially and intellectually—as well as serve any needs you should have.”  
“A-a bucket please.” Nick pressed his fist to his mouth, “I’m gonna be sick.”  
“Of course,” John said, moving away with a speed and efficiency that made Nick’s head spin all over again. 

In the shuttle’s galley, Nick sat hesitantly sampling a bowl of soup John had given him. He glanced up between bites, warily surveying the android who was watching him with an even expression. John’s mouth turned up slightly in a smile the fourth time   
Nick glanced his way. “Would you like me to feed you, sir?”

Nick sputtered, taking a drink of water to stop from choking, “Wh-what? No!” He cleared his throat, sitting back to look more directly at John, “Do people generally want that?”  
John smiled wider, “This must be your first encounter with a unit capable of complex interactions?”  
Nick turned back to the soup, “It’s not really my thing. Now, tell me what happened on Earth. What made it… uninhabitable?”

“Assorted ecological disasters, specifically a disease outbreak in your specific area.”  
“Is this because of the shuttle beta program I signed up for? Do you know if my family is alright?”  
“I don’t have any specifics outside of my assignment, sir. My apologies. The government will likely be keeping most information classified.”  
“Well can you send a request for information about my parents? Jules Kroll and Lynn Korda… please?” Nick pushed back from the table. “I just want to know if they’re alive.”  
“Yes, sir.” 

As part of his testing responsibilities, Nick was subjected to a stress test, running on a treadmill. He was still working the hyper sleep out of his system, but his body was familiar with jogging, and even after a year of suspension, it reacted the way he   
expected it to. Before long, he’d lost himself in the run, like he used to on foggy mornings at home, his feet pounding the street and nothing but his heartbeat and his headphones to keep him company. 

John was staring, an obvious spark in his eyes that hadn’t been there before as he watched this human, the first real human he’d ever experienced outside of programmed protocol instructional videos. Nick’s body was solid, and the thudding of his shoes   
on the treadmill, his determined breathing and the tiny crash of every bead of sweat that left his body to be picked up by John’s sensors drew his curiosity like a bowstring. Curiosity, something John often wondered whether he’d be better off without, 

using the very program he was doubting. He’d spent a year preparing for this very moment, for this assignment, this fragile, biological creature under his care. Although—despite him knowing better, John didn’t think Nick looked very fragile at all. John   
smiled.

Nick slowed to a stop, stepping off the treadmill and grabbing his bottle of water. John draped a towel over his shoulders. “Sir,” he began, “Do you have any sexual desires that require attention?” 

Nick spat out his water in another coughing fit, “What? No! Why the hell would you be asking me about my sexual desires?”  
John stepped back, giving Nick space, “I’m programmed to be your educator, caretaker and companion. If there’s anything you need, I have extensive knowledge of-“

“No, stop asking,” Nick interrupted, heading to the door. “Please stop. Where’s the shower in this place?”  
“Sir,” John called. “I need to draw an initial blood sample.”

Nick’s sneakers squeaked on the metal floor as he stopped, “Oh, right.” He held out his arm and avoided looking at John while the android worked to prepare Nick’s arm—and the pneumatic syringe.  
John studied Nick’s face, picking up signals and patterns of discomfort and embarrassment—and something else John wasn’t completely grasping. He finished drawing a vial of blood from Nick and cleared his throat—a completely unnecessary sound   
programmed into his system to gently break a streak of silence, as humans tended to startle easily. He took a polite step back. “You may go, sir.” 

Nick briefly glanced at the device in John’s hand and shuddered before hurrying out, hoping to avoid any further inquiries from John. 

The room was familiar, but dark—dully lit by the flickering of a few candles on the bedside table. Nick shifted, trying to roll onto his back, but found himself tied to his bed at the ankles and wrists, immobile save for some fairly pathetic squirming. He   
tested the soft bonds, and let out a cry when a sudden loud smack filled the air accompanied by a stinging on the back of his thighs, “Fuck!”

John shifted to stand up where he’d been sitting on the edge of the bed, but Nick could barely see him at the limited angle. He was holding a black leather paddle, and he traced along the curve of Nick’s ass, sliding over his black underwear—also leather,   
although Nick couldn’t remember owning any leather shorts. “What did you say?”

John’s voice was cold as it echoed through the room, but something in it made a fire leap to life in Nick’s chest, “N-nothing.”  
Another hit on the same stinging spot, and Nick whimpered, “Nothing what?” John growled.

“Master!” Nick gasped, and although he’d never said something like that before, it felt completely natural coming out of his mouth. “Nothing, Master!”  
“Don’t lie to me,” John warned.

Nick tensed for another strike, “I said fuck!”  
“I can’t hear you!” John spat, striking Nick across the ass this time, much harder than before.  
The loud smack and hot sting went straight to Nick’s cock and his mouth fell open as he gulped in a breath to shout, “Fuck!”  
John set the paddle aside and Nick groaned at the whisper of John’s cool fingertips along the edge of his shorts. “Good boy,” John purred, slipping his hand away and pulling Nick’s shorts down below his ass. “You earned this.”

A shout tore itself from Nick’s throat as he sat up, covered in cold sweat; his eyes adjusted in the darkness and he remembered slowly where he was. He sighed, whispering, “What the fuck?”  
John stepped into the room and Nick jumped lightly, “You screamed.”  
“Sorry uh… I was dreaming,” Nick said.

“No need to apologize,” John said. “Are you alright?”  
Nick shifted for a moment, “Yeah, yeah sure.”

“Your pulse is elevated,” John said.   
Nick climbed out of the bed, “Right well it was a strange dream.”  
John sat on the edge of the bed, an almost-human gesture of comfort, “Humans like talking about their experiences to process emotions. Would you like to talk about your dream?”

Nick shifted, pacing for a moment before he stopped, “Well… I mean, I guess maybe I kind of find you attractive.”  
“I know.”

Nick spun around, “You know what’s in my head?”  
“I’m made to the specifications of your sexual desires,” John said. “The designer knew what was in your head, although I’m not equipped to divulge my designer’s trade secrets.”  
“Right,” Nick said, sighing. “It was kinda… weird.”  
“Weird?”

“It was like… bondage stuff,” Nick said. “Like spanking I guess.”  
John nodded, “And is that something you’re interested in?”  
Nick looked at John in stunned silence for a moment, “It was… intriguing.” 

“Would you like to try it?”  
“I… don’t know.” Nick ran his hands through his short hair. “I don’t know.”

“Kissing, commonly humans engage in tentative kissing before sexual intercourse.”  
“Kissing.” Nick took half a step back when John stood and moved closer. “You want to kiss me.”  
“May I?”  
Nick met John’s eyes, “Please.”

John touched Nick’s face and it was tender in a very human way, and when their lips met Nick’s eyes rolled back slightly before he squeezed them shut. When John broke the kiss he tried to chase his lips, bracing himself with a hand on John’s shoulders.   
“No hands!” John barked, and Nick jerked away.

John gave a lofty smile and Nick grinned, biting his bottom lip; he lifted his hands in surrender, “See? Like a good boy.”  
“I’ll tell you when you’re a good boy,” John said. He shrugged off his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt,

“Stop drooling on me and go lie down on your back.”

Nick tried not to think, not to indulge in anxiety or self-doubt; they were doing this, and it wasn’t like John even had the capacity to judge him if he wanted to. He jumped onto the bed and pulled himself back so he was resting against the headboard.   
“Would you like to register a safeword?” John asked as he approached the bed.  
“Oxygen?” Nick said, grinning stupidly at the approaching android.

John leaned over and kissed Nick again, cupping Nick’s face with his hands. It was hotter, deeper than the first one and John was a phenomenal kisser, far beyond what Nick had expected. He had no doubt that John was made to a very narrow set of   
specifications, and he was already rock hard by the time John broke away again. “Take off your shirt.

Nick fumbled out of his shirt and tossed it aside, pulling his undershirt over his head and doing the same with it. John undid his tie and slid it from around his neck, “Put your hands up.”  
Nick did as he was told, biting his bottom lip as John tied his wrists together to the headboard with the soft silk tie. He tested the bonds, only a bit, and they were just right, “I can’t believe this is happening.”

John removed his own shirt, moving to kneel on the mattress between Nick’s spread legs; he leaned in to trail kisses along Nick’s throat. Slow, open-mouthed kisses painted a line of tingling pleasure down Nick’s chest, and his hips jumped when John   
looked up and met his eyes, a surprising amount of emotion in his gaze. John continued his descent to Nick’s stomach and thighs, very pointedly avoiding his cock. He stopped to glance up again as he undid Nick’s pants, “What do you want, Nick?”  
“Fuck,” Nick whispered. “Please, please just fuck me.”

John lifted Nick’s hips then, as if Nick weighed nothing, and Nick tensed up, but he was at John’s mercy, and when John’s tongue found his ass he gasped. John’s tongue was wet and warm and felt so human. The wetness was more thick than human   
saliva, and Nick guessed it was part of John’s sexual specifications, lube for spit. John knew how to use his too-human tongue, and he had Nick’s toes curling, and his cock leaking against his stomach. John pulled back and Nick whined when John replaced   
his tongue with two well-slicked fingers. “Are you enjoying yourself?”  
“Just fuck me already!” Nick moaned.

“I’ll fuck you when I decide you’ve earned it,” John said, teasing Nick’s prostate enough to make the man cry out. “That’s what you want, isn’t it?”  
“Wh-what do I need to do?” Nick babbled. “How can I earn it?”  
“Beg.”  
“Please?”

“You’ll have to do better than that,” John muttered.  
“Please!” Nick said, the words tumbling out of his mouth immediately. “Please fuck me I want it so bad. I want your cock—I need it, please!”

John leaned in and kissed Nick, cutting off his words as he removed his fingers and positioned himself before sinking into Nick, gazing into his eyes. Nick’s eyes rolled back and his mouth fell open, “Is this what you wanted?”  
“Yes, fuck!” Nick moaned. He pulled against the tie binding his wrists, chasing John’s mouth when it got near, but he android pulled away, “Wait!”  
John slapped Nick’s ass and he cried out, “Shut your mouth.”

“Make me,” Nick gasped, and another strike made him bite his bottom lip, but his words trailed off. He lifted himself, trying to meet John’s thrusts as the android’s cock struck his prostate dead on, making stars explode behind Nick’s eyes.   
John fucked him mercilessly, hard and fast and deep, so deep. Nick was whimpering and sobbing and babbling half-nonsense within minutes, his cock jumping and leaking with each perfectly aimed thrust. Finally, John kissed Nick, swallowing his cries as   
he wrapped his hand around Nick’s cock, only stroking it a few times before Nick arched, bucked and came with a muffled shout. “That didn’t take much.”  
“Fuck!” Nick cried, groaning when John’s touch became overstimulation, but he only had to squirm a few times before John relinquished, reaching up to untie him from the headboard.   
Nick sank more fully onto the bed and rubbed his wrists, “Was that satisfactory?” John asked.

Nick nodded dreamily, reaching for John, “Stay, please?”  
John joined him obediently, and Nick settled into his arms, “Holy shit that was… is that how all androids fuck?”  
“You know I’m set to your specifications,” John said, but he smiled playfully, and Nick laughed before they kissed again. He could get used to this.


End file.
